Thursday, April 14, 2011

Baby Cameron's Story

In life we all have our problems and our struggles. Some small that seem so big at the time and some so large some days it is hard to get out of bed and we wonder how we are going to get through it. I recently had one of those moments. Everything seemed like it was just stacking on my shoulders and I just broke. In that moment I called one of my best friends Courtney. I have known her since middle school. We have been through so many things in our life. Some good, some not so good. We have gone days talking to each other every day to at one point not talking for years. As I was talking to her threw all the tears I said to her. . . You know, it could always be worse. There are so many people out in the world that have bigger problems in their life then I do. And at that point I felt really selfish! I am sitting here on the phone crying to my best friend about my problems and not even seeing that she has so much more on her shoulders then I ever will. So for that I am sorry, and I feel I need to share her story. If anyone needs prayer in their life and some kind of miracle it is my friend Courtney and her son Cameron.

Here is her story. . .

Courtney got pregnant last year with her 3rd baby. In all of her pregnancies she has had problems. This was the worse. She was only 6 weeks along and she had already been to the hospital more then once. She also managed to move to Texas for 5 months and then moved back to Reno. Not even being back in Reno 2 hours she was checked into the hospital. She was later released, and stayed home on bed rest for a few weeks. She was 25 weeks and 4 day along (about 6 months) and ended up back in the hospital. She had to have an emergency C-section. At 4:04am on October 6, 2010 Cameron James Damon Boswell was born only weighing 1 lb 5 oz. Cameron was born with lots of complication. He was born 15 weeks early. Right away he had problems with his heart, and his lungs were not developed. Courtney had to wait a long 9 weeks before she could even hold him in her arms.

Cameron is now 6 months old and weighs 14 lbs 4 oz . In six month this little boy has had many surgeries. Including a heart surgery, hernia surgery, and a trach put in to help get him off the vent, to only name a few. He has gone through so much fighting for his life every day. He has come so far in his short 6 month of life, but not far enough.

Everyday she is able to get out of bed. She get her kids off to school and then goes to the hospital. She spends most of the day just holding Cameron, breathing him in, talking to him and praying for him to keep up his fight. Then she goes home, spends time with Dylan, and Kaylee. Gets them off to bed, and goes back to the hospital. Every time she has to leave Cameron she struggles with it. The thought of something going wrong, the thought that she will not be able to get there in time to hold his hand, or just the thought that he is there alone. So most nights she does not even sleep more then a few hours in fear that the phone may ring and she will not hear it.

Courtney manages to care for and split her time between Cameron in the hospital, but also for her two other children at home, Dylan 13 and Kaylee 6. She is often torn between not spending enough time with Dylan and Kaylee but also not being able to hold Cameron's hand when he has his bad days, which are more often then good ones. Two weeks ago Courtney got a call from the Lung Specialist and was told, over the phone, that there was not anything more they were able to do for Cameron. They set up an time to talk with her and give her some options on how she was to let Cameron die. Cameron has had many struggles. His biggest is his lungs. He is not responding to steroids, and is not able to breath on his own. He needs new lungs, but the doctors say that he can not get new lungs because he is to sick.

Despite all the negative things that Courtney has been faced with she manages to keep it together and stay very positive. She is apart of a few support groups including What to expect when you are expecting, and Care bridge. She takes time to read everything that people write to her and responds to them. She updates her face book all the time to let everyone know how Cameron is doing. She has called and written other hospitals to get just another opinion or option for Cameron. She has not had any success. How could any mother be asked to choose how they would like their son to die??

Cameron has been here for 6 months and already he has touched so many hearts and lives.

There are so many times I don't even know what to say to Courtney and I have to hold back the tears. I can not even begin to imagine what she is going through. You may ask why am I sharing her story?? I admire her! For her strength, her ability to stay positive, her courage, and for her ability to stay strong and not give up! She is such a great person, a great friend, and a great mother! I pray that Cameron will prove the doctors wrong, get better, and Courtney will be able to take him home and he will live a long health life.

So. . . I am asking you, all my friends, just to say a prayer. Please pray for Courtney, her family, and for Cameron. He is a fighter and we are not giving up on him!

If you have any question about Cameron you can email Courtney at or you can follow her posts on her face book (Courtney McClure), What to expect when you are expecting, or Care bridge.

Baby Cameron passed away today at 9:22pm Please pray! He became apart of me. Miss you baby Cameron. Enjoy your angel wings! Love you baby boy!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Its all up to me now.....

Well..still nothing from Nate..Figures. Today i meet with the Pastor alone since he wont "Commit" he says he obviously is committed because he is still with me but he wont say it because i make him mad...HOW OLD ARE YOU!! So the meeting today is to discuss what i need to do as the wife..I miss youth group also..I want to know what i have to do to get back in!

He goes to this CTL class on Tuesday nights and its all for men, well last night the wives were invited to come and see what they do and to learn we went to that. I got ONE thing out of it..I cant change him. I can only change myself and pray for God to work on him and change him..So thats my plan. The hardest part is respecting him and biting my tounge when i am mad and wanna fight with him. when i do that i feel like he is walking all over me. BUT we will try it.

Also at home group on Sunday night i was talking to Kieth and Jackie (they are the ones that he stayed with when my dad came.) He offered to meet with Nate and i instead of the pastor..So i asked Nate if he wanted to do that, He said he would RATHER do we will see where that goes also.

Ella is still doing good on the potty! I am excited she has had no accidents! But I am still confused about what to do when we leave the house. she doesn't tell me I have to potty, She just idk. I still have a lot to do with her!

Thanks for reading :) Hope all is well
God Bless (:

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Sorry I am slow at this blog thing..Its hard to do anything with two kidos! anyways..So on my birthday Nate didn't get me anything. He told me to get a babysitter for Thursday the 31st so we could go to a movie..It turned into an argument because i didn't see the need to take asher to a baby sitter for a movie hes still too little.. Wednesday i went shopping with a friend and got some new outfits! then Thursday came and i decided that i would rather go get some more clothes then waste 30 bucks on the Ella was sick so i didn't want to leave her with anyone. So thats what we did..but guess who ended up buying more then i bought....HE DID!! I almost forgot whos birthday it was :( He still has not done the homework the pastor gave us.. so I am going to talk to my pastor on what my next move is...although I will say i can tell he is trying, he will tell me he loves me before he leave the house now..when before he never would! but he is still being rude and inconsiderate..he talks crap about my house being messy, which it is NOT. but then he has the nerve to leave dishes all around and i pick them up because then ella gets to them! ugh! I am annoyed with that kind of stuff...asher and i were taking a nap on the bed this afternoon. he said he wasnt going to bed for awhile..well he decided he wanted to go in and jump on the bed and go to sleep..well hes all talking to me to move and get off the blankets so he can sleep..he totally woke me up..but if i wake him up..its Game over he is a dick the rest of the day! ugh I am still trying to get some patients! and pray to God for the strength to love on him even when he is totally unlovable!
on a happier note..Get ready for it......................................
ELLA DECIDED SHE WAS GOING TO GO ON HER POTTY!! Its been three days now and she has only worn a diaper for bed time!! and had a total of like 6 accidents in 3 days! not bad if you ask me! I am so happy! One less stress on my end. Nates sister got me this 365 day devotional book! I love it! its a short reading and it gets me into Gods word which i need so bad but have horrible pray for me to continue with it!! well i better get off here now..thanks for reading :) and thanks for the b day wishes! if you guys know of anyone who would also be interested in reading my blog pass it on :) I want other people/Christians to know they are not alone!!

Monday, March 28, 2011

At A Stand Still

Everything is pretty much at a stand still...Things are not getting better nor are they getting worse. So far no CPS so thats a blessing. Nate and I met with our pastor on Saturday morning. After talking for an hour and a half about the "Box Sermon" he did last year..He gave us "homework" First off Nate has to come to me on his own time and tell me he is committed to our marriage..then when he has done that I am also supposed to do the same but not at the same time he did it and not before. Then we both have to write out the issues we have..such as some of mine are his sleeping habits, sex in general, and the rolls of the house..there are a few more.. but you get the point..and when we have both done all of this he is supposed to call and make another appointment..but that was Saturday and it is now Monday..What is it going to take.. If he was committed wouldn't you think he would have just come out and said it already..

We have both been put on the bench from youth group because we are not being good roll models i guess.. I have a feeling we wont be aloud back on until we start to show we are i am thinking if he takes two months to do what he is supposed to am i supposed to do what i am supposed to do to let show we are trying...Youth group is Monday nights..Like tonight and i wont be there with my girls and I am so sad..
I suppose I am supposed to just do my half and wait for God to get a hold of nates heart.

On another note tomorrow is my birthday! I am finally graduating from being a Teenager! lol Ill be 20 :) Kinda curious to see if he gets me anything but i doubt it so i shouldnt even expect anything. I got some money from some family well all of nates family. so I can go get my hair did and get some new clothes..Its time to dress like a young adult not like i am 17 anymore..I am chubby now so ill probably hit up ross because its cheap and i dont wanna spend too much because i am still loosing baby weight. I got a book called Potty Wise today and its a few methods on potty training..I am about to go crazy because Ella is stubborn so maybe if i can follow something i can get this down!
Asher is 11 pounds and I am pretty sure hitting a growth spurt..he wont stop wining he just wants to eat alllllll the time..Its exhausting. I better go now tho because as i type this he is crying and ella is throwing food.. the Joys of mother hood i suppose! Have a great evening!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Im a little better now..

The night my crazy aunt calls telling me shes going to call CPS on me, is the same night i called the sherriff on duty here in my super small town. He told me NOT to stress, if she was going to call then they would HAVE to come out to my house. But they CANT take the kids unless they get a court order froma judge and to do that they have to prove i am neglecting my kids and they are in a bad environment.. My house is ALWAYS clean..we got into a little tiff..that happenes to the best of us
I am not totally worried anymore..I think it is stupid that they would even have to come out here but i have nothing to hide..
Nate was aloud back into the house on some conditions...We came up with a plan of action..if things get heated and the other one wants to leave LET THEM and when they get back we can try and talk again..but we CANNOT let this happen again. I grew up in a similar situation. I know first hand what this is doing to my kids..they are still young enough to where i can break the crazy cycle. THis is going to be so hard..Please pray for our family thank you

THank you for the comments. VERY much appreciated.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Worst Weekend Of My Life

It NEVER fails it seems...everytime i brag about how great my hubby and i are doing somthing goes wrong. We got into it pretty bad on friday. we were yelling at eachother and i tried to leave and he tackled me for the car keys and he got really physical with me.. Anyways I called my mom in AK. Hysterical.. I needed her..she called my aunt 2 hours away..she came and tried to get Nate to leave that didnt work.. then she called my pastor and my mom back to have her call my dad (whos house we live in. thinking that he could get him out.) my dad lives 14 hours away and he was at my house saturday morning. By then nate was gone. He went to stay with some church family..its been nothing but aunt left on saturday once my dad came to my house..well out of the blue she calls me last night telling me she is calling CPS because i am an unfit mother and i am unstable and i beat my kids..This women is CRAZY! one minute she is my best friend and now she is like going nuts..I am so stressed out!
I need some sleep..Ill post more tomorrow when i can think straight. sorry i was MIA

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I am so Humbled tonight!!

So WOW... I just came home from my home group tonight..It was awesome. In our discussion we talked about spiritual markers.. I am usually the TALKER of the group..I love to talk..But tonight as we were talking about OUR own personal spiritual markers I was quite. My leader asked me "Lindsey you are pretty quite tonight what are you thinking? What are you markers?" I was thinking about my answer but I Just didnt have one or a few.. I was just said that in one year my life has changed..I cannot believe it. Its been one year since i committed my life to God and Moved from California to start a new life..And a NEW life it is..I am no longer in an abusive relationship with my husband..he is starting to learn how i like to be loved and vise versa..We are 100% debt free.. I live in a family owned home so i dont pay rent other than too my savings account. I had my son. I just LOVE Both of my kids. I got a new car at a GREAT deal..I am now a small group leader to my 6th and 7th grade youth group girls..who knew in just a years time i would be teaching the bible and walking beside young girls..I am so happy i gave up being so stubborn and gave my life over..Thank you Jesus for EVERYTHING :)